Comedy Material for Marc Maron

Listening to stand-up comic Marc Maron’s comedy as well as podcasts, one gets the impression that he likes a very specific and unique form of punch lines.

It seems as if he starts out thinking: Now what’s so bad it could never be funny?

He then proceeds to find a way to make it funny, ensuring that the punch line itself is a straight-out, not-funny horrible truth. And yet you laugh at the punch line.

He is literally working hard to make sure that tragedy is funny without changing it for comic effect.

Well, he’s a very busy guy. So, in the interest of making sure he doesn’t run out of material, here are a few punchlines I would like to suggest to him:

Punchline #1: “…And then they discovered he raped three more women.”

Punchline #2: “Fifteen American citizens were killed in the Al Qaeda attack.”

Punchline #3: “After years of living as a homeless on the streets, he killed himself.”

Punchline #4: “The kids swindled their old man out of his entire life savings.”

Punchline #5: “…And now she’s paralyzed from the neck down for her entire life.”

Punchline #6: “I cried for two days straight. I wished I was dead.”

I hope that was helpful, Marc, and that it saves you a lot of time in searching for additional material. If you need any more, don’t hesitate to call.

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Interested in edgy comedy? Try ‘The Best of’ The Voice of God Comedy Podcast.

Improving English: 12 Ways to Categorize Americans

We all remember with fondness the time Americans stopped calling some of their citizens the offensive word ‘black’ and started calling them ‘African Americans’.

Non-American blacks, even those visiting or working in the US, were still stuck with the offensive name, but somehow persevered.

Recently, one of the MSNBC anchors called teachers ‘Unselfish Americans’ and that got me thinking that indeed many offensive categories, like ‘blacks’ or ‘teachers’, could use a bit more protection from the PC police. And so, as a service to the public, here are a few modest proposals that will cause millions of American citizens to live happier, more fulfilling lives.

1. Models and supermodels will, from this point on, be called Photoshopped Americans.
2. Farmers, from this point on, will be called Cock-a-Doodle-Doo Americans.
3. Americans living in the South will now be called Fiddle-Dee-Dee Americans.
4. Singers of any kind will now be called Tra-La-La Americans.
5. Jews, from this point on, will be called Kosher Americans.
6. Asians of any lineage will now be called Kung Fu Americans.
7. Rapists will now be called Penised Americans.
8. Women called Edith will, from this point on, be called Dingbat Americans. (That’s for you folks over forty).
9. People who love Cher will, from this point on, be called Shoop Shoop Americans.
10. Lovers of Tolkien’s works will henceforth be called Middle Earth Americans.
11. Children between the ages of 3 to 6 will now be called Potty Trained Americans.
12. And lastly: Lovers of S&M will henceforth be called Slapping Americans.

If you have any more categories that you want to share, in order to make this a better and less offensive society, please put them in the comments.

The Emoticon Generation

Article: ‘The Perils of an Overactive Imagination’

The website of the Israeli Science Fiction and Fantasy Association published my article, The Perils of an Overactive Imagination.

 

The article is in Hebrew. It was originally published in English at the Apex Publications blog.

 

The article details what happens to an SF authors’ mind when he stops writing.

‘The Dark Side’ Now in ‘Apexology Horror’ Anthology

Apex Books has just come out with an anthology of horror stories (new and old) written by its various authors. It’s available in digital release only. On my part, it features a reprint of the story ‘The Dark Side’.
Read more about it ‘Apexology Horror’ here.

Historical info: ‘The Dark Side’ has appeared in English, Hebrew, and Spanish. This is the second time a story of mine appears in an Apex Books anthology. The last one was ‘The Apex Book of World SF’.

Apexology Horror - the Cover

Short Story ‘CSI: Jehovah’ Online

The short story, ‘CSI: Jehovah’, is now available online in English at the Australian webzine, Antipodean SF: http://antisf.com/the-stories/csi-jehova.

The story is also available online, translated into Hebrew, here at ‘Don’t Panic’:  http://www.blipanika.co.il/?p=1785

Enjoy.

Story Sale: ‘CSI: Jehovah’

The short story ‘CSI: Jehovah’ will be published by the Australian AntipodeanSF.

This short story has appeared, translated into Hebrew, in ‘Don’t Panic’: here. The name of the story says it all.

Magazine Publication – Hebrew: My Crazy Uncle Matt Loses His Virginity

Dreams in Aspamia #10

‘My Crazy Uncle Matt Loses His Virginity’ was published in Dreams in Aspamia #10, translated into Hebrew.

Magazien Publication – Hebrew: My Crazy Uncle Matt Gets 3 Wishes

Dreams in Aspamia #6

‘My Crazy Uncle Matt Gets 3 Wishes’ was published in Dreams in Aspamia #6, translated into Hebrew.

Magazine Publication – Hebrew: My Crazy Uncle Matt and the Forces of Darkness

Dreams in Aspamia #5

‘My Crazy Uncle Matt and the Forces of Darkness’ was published in Dreams in Aspamia #5, translated into Hebrew.

Magazine Publication – Hebrew: Meet My Crazy Uncle Matt

Dreams in Aspamia #4

‘Meet My Crazy Uncle Matt’ published in Dreams in Aspamia #3, translated into Hebrew.